Are you listening to me?
8 November 2006
Why managers are turning to NLP for leadership skills
I was recently with a group of managers from a fast-moving international organisation. They were learning NLP skills to give them more of an influence in the business. During a conversation at coffee break one of the managers said she recently met their CEO, who asked her how things were in her part of the company. She told him what she was excited about, and also described some of her frustrations.
What she found so unique about this rare and impromptu meeting, was that the CEO only asked her questions, and made no judgement regarding her answers. In fact some days later she received an email from him saying he had ‘passed her frustrations on’ and as a result of this, positive changes were implemented. I asked her how she felt, and she replied ‘valued and recognised’.
I asked the manager what impact this meeting had on her, and she said that the predominant style of managing in the company was to tell people what you needed them to do. Managers are so busy they don’t have time to do anything other than pass on instructions. And because the culture causes people to believe ‘we can do anything’, they rarely question the tasks that are passed down to them. What she learned was the powerful effect of listening, questioning, and doing something to help people who were lower than you in the organisational hierarchy.
This may seem like a simple to implement idea, but many managers find the change from ‘giving instructions’ to ‘listening’ the toughest thing to do. After so many years of carrying in your head agendas of things that ‘need to be done’ you become chained to the habit of ‘needing quick action’. In order to truly listen, you must first train your mind to be patient and relieve yourself of the urgency to deliver your agenda or message.
Do you think that the CEO had no agenda? Of course he has agendas, but he has mastered more subtle and powerful ways of harnessing the effort of his people, through showing an interest, being curious, and doing things that make it easy for people to perform well. So the agendas are still there. But the haste to tell people what to do is replaced by a curiosity and desire to help people be their best.
From this manager’s brief encounter we can learn some simple lessons about how to influence people.
- If you take an interest and listen to people, they will feel valued
- If you involve people in deciding what and how, they will become engaged
- If you support people they will give more
- If you recognise people’s efforts they will feel valued
- If you aspire to make a positive contribution people will follow your lead
How do you learn these skills?
Tell style managers often struggle to change the way they relate to employees and as a result end up highly stressed and suffer early burnout. There is a plethora of evidence to show that over time, a tell style of management causes physical and mental health problems. The way to avoid this is to slow down your thinking a little, focus on the purpose of work, and learn to be patient. Then you can begin to listen. The next stage is to become curious and to believe in your people.
This is where NLP comes in. It has powerful techniques for helping you to adopt values and beliefs that will change the way you relate to your people. Some managers spend months in mentoring and coaching sessions trying to develop an inspiring management style. Others enrol on business school programmes. It is well recognised that effective leaders know how to engage employees, and the skills required to do this are eagerly sought by ambitious future leaders. NLP offers a deep transformational process, with many tools and techniques to help you communicate in engaging and inspiring ways. It is highly practical, and immediately applicable.
If you are curious to learn more read NLP Business Masterclass or call the author at Quadrant1 International on +44 (0) 870 762 1300.
David Molden
